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14.1.07

part ii

i thought of a much better version for jurassic park 2.
jeff goldblum and that blonde chick go back in time after they escaped from the park in the first film. except that she dumped sam neill to go out with goldblum.
sam neill, hell bent on revenge, also goes back in time but he has also found a way to control dinosaurs and use them to his own means.
goldblum: oi sammmmmm neillll!don't bovva! just because i had a bit of a flirt with your missus the otherday, there's no need to get a load of dinos on me is there?
nnnneeeeiiiiillll: well shows what you know gold-BUM! everyone who knows anything about dinos, knows that most of them thrive on a gang mentality or put more simply, the group dynamic.
old-bum: yeah well she's with me now, ain't she? so you better get used to it because we're pretty uninhibitted and will try anything twice. even pissing.
neeeeeeeeeeeeeil: DINOS ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!
following his final commands, all the dinosaurs hover above cold bum and blondie like a swarm of killer bees, and then they start pecking them like chickens. (at this point it must be made clear that dinosaurs are really similar to birds, just like in the first film.

3 comments:

Mr Axl said...

Genius. A slice of fried gold, and certainly not a pair of socks.

matt said...

I reckon you should pitch this to Goldblum, he'd probably be interested.

antoine said...

my friend steve waterhouse was at a festival in Ireland with the Earlies, as they have the same band manager or something and it was a free trip. Anyway, he got very drunk and saw Sam Neill backstage. Not used to seeing someone so famous he decided the best thing to do would be to try and snog Mr Neill. He did, much to Mr Neill's surprise, and was subsequently chased by some minders, before making good his escape.