fucking stupid clothes

i been shopping for clothes today.i fucking hate clothes shopping.every time i see a shirt i think i like,as soon as i go and look closely, it has some ridiculous detail on it.for instance a studid emdroidery of a dragon,or seams that aren't finished,or some twat has been at it with a stanley knife, or its been flicked with paint or bleach!in the end i managed to find 2 shirts that i actually liked!i couldn't believe it!2!shove it up you're arse fashion industry!anyway,my xmas was pretty much what you'd expect.i followed the brightest star in the sky until it lead me to the birthplace of the messiah,then i watched the network premier of the 1st harry potter film.

list of enemies

i had the idea of writing a list of all my enemies.i started thinking about who would be on it,i even bought a brand new pen to write my hate filled register of hate.then something struck me,what if said list should get into the hands of said enemies!those more powerful than me(of which there are few) might be moved to take action against me to thwart my rise and rise.those weaker than me (of which there are many) might decide to form an alliance against me,a bit like a fucked up UN!this can not happen.if it did i think natural disasters would at least triple and most of the worlds major economies would go into recession.for these reasons i am taking my new pen back to the shop and keeping my list to myself.

the midas touch

i just wore my gold shoes out for the first time!when i walked in to the pub,a deathly silence crept through the whole room.i didn't know what was going on at first,but then i realised it was the shoes.the awe-struck throng awaited my words,"DAT RIGHT,DEY GOL'!AIN'T YOU SUCKAS EVA SEEN NO GOL' SHOES BEFO'?!anyway this is the last time i'm going to talk about them,for a while at least.

scotch cramps

.i just pounded a ton of fucking scotch.also emma better fucking like her present because i had to go to the christmas shoppers paradise that is cornmarket street to get it.this involved a lot of counting to ten so as i didn't fuck up a load of shit.it also made me super tired so i had to pound that ton of scotch that i previously mentioned.scotch is like my version of popeye and cans of spinach.i can't decide if i should sleep in the cram hole or walk back home,i think the next 10 mins will make the decision for me.remember,soon you'll all bow to me when i have my gold trainers.also if anyone has an interesting suggestion for a variation on the fish finger sandwich i'd be grateful to hear it.

gold shoes on way!

i am getting a pair of the gold trainers that i mentioned previously!i cannot wait,i think they might be the thing that makes my life complete.i also think they might give me a strange,unearthly power over suckas who just have normal shoes.i might also change my name to goldy feet,golden claw,or talon of gold.

atp

i just got back from atp.it was really good.i can't really be bothered to go on about it at the moment because i'm really tired from pounding the scotch for three nights in a row.i even got the dreaded scotch cramps.now i have to go home and learn how to pass the driving theory test before 5pm tomorrrow.people have told me its really easy but they probably didn't pound as much scotch as me.