I Would Do Anything For Love (but i DEFINITELY won't do that, or that)

If anyone ever wants to tie me up in the bedroom, then I will say "NO WAY!". This is because at least fifty percent of all voluntary bedroom captivity ends in murder or theft (and I'm not just talking about the theft/death of your innocence). Every time this kinky practice is shown in film or TV, the person tied up almost always has something bad happen to them. I've never seen one of these situations end well. It can range from having your clothes stolen, to being stabbed in the shoulder with an ice pick, just like in Basic Instinct.
What I would suggest if someone wanted to tie me up, is that I would promise to hold on to the head board really tight. I might, after careful consideration, allow the use of a single layer of toilet roll to be used in the place of rope or handcuffs. This way should the other person try to rob, maim, or kill me, I would be able to free my hands straight away to defend myself and my belongings.
I told this to a friend the other day, and they asked if I would even let my wife (if I had one) tie me up. I'm afraid the answer would still be no. She may have grown disillusioned with the marriage and want to kill me to cash in on the lucrative life insurance policy she recently insisted I took out. This is obviously the worst case scenario, to lose both my life and my belongings in one fell swoop to my duplicitous spouse!
I suggest you heed my warning. Don't let yourself become a willing lamb to a very sexy slaughter!