HALLOWE'EN SPECIAL!!!!!!!

FUCK YEAH! It's a super scary Halloween special.

1. How to tell if stuff and buildings are haunted or unhaunted.

I have a few fail safe rules on how to work out if stuff and buildings are haunted. It's the main reason I've never seen a ghost even though I'm nearly 25.

• If someone is giving away something that is old but looks like it might be worth money, you can bet your own sanity that it's haunted to fuck! I was in London a couple of months ago and someone offered me an old school desk. "No thanks you bastard!" I said, "I got enough of my own problems without having to worry about the ghost of some victorian school boy telling me he's "So cold", I'll just lean on a book if I need to write anything!"


• If you ever get the chance to go into outer space you better not be scared of ghosts. Outer space is full to the TITS with space ghosts! Everyone knows about aliens or whatever, but what about all the animals they sent up before they could send people? They all died in outer space! If you think going up there will be all floaty and brilliant, think about this: how do you fancy getting bit off a outer space ghost dog? Fuck that!


• If you live in a old converted school house you better look at the first point I made. THEN MULTIPLY IT BY AT LEAST A MILLION!!!!!


• If you live above a butchers' shop, you need to do this simple equation: POINT 2 + POINT 3 X DEAD ANIMAL GHOSTS = HEARD OF ANGRY MURDERED COWS, PIGS ETC!!! GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE BEFORE YOU GET GHOST GRAZED INTO GHOST CUD!!!


• 2. There is no 2. It died and became a ghost. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Nb. Hey actual small kids, don't worry if any of these points apply to you. Ghosts aren't real they're just for laughs! Except outer space animal ghosts.

Now go and buy me a Nintendo Wii.